new.

On Friday, I cut off all of my hair. This was a huge moment for me. My hair has always been a gigantic piece of my identity. The color, the curls, the length. And I loved it. I used to say I would never ever cut it. I had wanted it long for so long and it was almost like a prized posession. I've lately begun to learn the "never say never" lesson. There are so many things I used to adamantly claim about myself that I have completely changed/evolved my views on. It's fascinating. 

I first got the haircut bug a few months ago. I saw a screening with my dad and the main lady had a pixie cut. It appealed to me but I felt crazy and conflicted. I forgot about it for awhile. Then 9 days ago (thank you twitter--how else would I know when/what I was thinking in the past) I was at a Father John Misty concert and there was this cute group of three girls next to me in the pit. One had a long boho messy ponytail that I was jealous of and one had a teeny pixie cut with a little barrette that I was also jealous. Again, I was conflicted. 

This happened. 

After that, the idea was a subconscious virus. It was taking me over, and I had no idea. It all boiled to a point this Friday, 1/5. I couldn't stop thinking obsessing about it. I called my mom to ask her what she would think if I cut off all my hair. She was slightly shell-shocked but open to the idea. The idea kept spiraling in my head and soon I was having a full-fledged identity crisis. I had a casual mini nervous breakdown at Guitar Center. I felt torn in half, not to be a melodramatic teen. 

I spend so much of my life being responsible and taking care of myself and living in the world as an adult. I needed to do something impulsive that might give me a few regrets, but nothing too serious. I needed to be a teenager. 

So that afternoon I went to the hairdresser and cut off my identity. Welcome to 18. Welcome to 2013. It feels good. 

The process.

Bye-bye.

My hair is on my closet floor waiting for me to ship it to Locks Of Love. I think it's cool, but maybe I'm creepy. Sometimes I hold it up like it's still in a ponytail or like I have peyos. For all the Goyim, peyos are the curly sideburns you see on Jews sometimes. I'm not quite ready to say goodbye just yet. Getting there though. I look in the mirror and see someone new. Interesting, but different. It's a good new, I think. 

Before and After.

In other body modification news, I got a tattoo yesterday. It's really important to me to clarify my motives in hair vs. tattoo. The hair was 100% impulsive, possibly regrettable, slightly rebellious. The tattoo was something I had thought about for a very long time and something I knew I would like consistently, since I draw it on anytime I'm near a pen. I really appreciate the art of tattoos and I truly understand the permanence and consequences. Just ask me about lover tattoos and you'll hear my epic groan that I can't help but emit everytime. 

So anyway, I was prepared. I don't want people to look at how quickly I did everything and think I did it unconsciously. Not that I care what people think, but I do a little. I also want to get my upper ear pierced (three rings on my left ear) but after that I'm definitely done for a little while. It's kinda nice/fun to do it all at once. Start off the new year right. 

By the way, the tattoo barely hurt. Slightly uncomfortable and kinda scary, but the actual pain level was very low. And it only took, like, ten minutes. 

It's fun to see people's different reactions, especially to my hair. I'm still reacting myself. I surprised all of my friends this weekend at my birthday party. I didn't post anything online and some of them had absolutely no idea. It was hilarious. I think people are way more surprised about my hair than my tattoo. Plus, anyone who knows me has seen many different versions of stars all over my wrist, many many times.

I want to give a big shoutout to my awesome dad. He has really changed over the years to be more open and understanding and I want to give him a public appreciation. He was very cool to begin with, but just a hint of Jew stress and lots of "Oy!"s. It was a little tough when I decided to leave school but he has come many a mile since then. I called him about my hair and he was very chill and excited to see it. I was pretty worried to tell him about my tattoo but we got dinner tonight and he was perfect about it. I'm so proud of him. And a wee bit embarassed about the stress my mom and I felt in between doing it and telling it. So yeah, love you dad! You rock. 

Happy New Year.

xoxoleah

Comments

[Julie R.]

Leah, it takes a lot of guts to cut your hair like that, and it looks great! And I think the tattoo is very cool and tasteful. You do have an amazing dad!

[heather]

Hello! I've been debating getting a pixie cut as well. I'm not sure how you follow people(can you do that?) I just made an account. Help? I'd like to follow you.